Something devastating happened this week. My heart broke and was poorly patched back together with two large, see-through holes in it. I feel like I’m trying to make whole again an alligator bitten, throbbing, and, bleeding heart. My older brother, Francis passed away. I’m still very much in mourning and having a difficult time with it all. It hasn’t been that long that I lost my oldest brother, Demacian. I love both of my brothers so much.
Only a couple of years apart from Francis, we were very close siblings and also the greatest of friends. We called each other, “Twin”… For obvious reasons, (check him out). In youth we got in trouble for laughing too much and not revealing our insiders. We could look at each other and laugh. We could sense each other with upmost knowing and seeing eye to eye.
He is still a positive motivating force inside of my life and he will always be. But, I’m crying. Daily…Hourly…I miss him truly. I will miss him always. The tears are ever flowing and my heart weighs a ton. I literally am feeling and falling apart. I have persistently cloudy vision and the world looks dim. Honestly, without him, feels like a Twilight zone within a nightmare that I had over a month ago. I am awaiting waking up… Walking to his door and calling out, “Brother!!! It’s me! Coley!”
I look for his car.
I accidentally call my younger brothers by his name.
I think that I’m seeing him places.
I texted him and waited for a response. The unread message icon chilled me like dark sounds to my core.
I will celebrate his life and every achievement and accomplishment. He means the world to me. He was blessed and he was a blessing. He continues to be a blessing in wealthy memories of laughter and sincerity. Remembering how he’s been recognized and honored by others during this difficult time of funeral preparation brought me great joy and tremendous grief all at once. One thing I can say for sure is his life has meaning and value. He touched many hearts including mine. I still feel the power of his presence and lasting peace of his love. This week, and throughout my life strangers have approached me simply for being his sister. They tell me how much he loved me and how often he spoke about me. Each time it happens I cry new tears. My tears are of joy because my brother and I regularly expressed our love and respect for each other so these words are reminiscences. My tears are of sadness because the world is void of Future.
Advanced in thinking
Profound with words
Gone too soon…
I’m not ready to say goodbye to good morning texts and 4 hour conversations. I’m not ready to be without an older brother that I could completely confide in. I’m not ready to be without a person who believes in me and loves me unconditionally… Who knows me thoroughly… I’m not ready to say goodbye to him. I’ll say see you later.
Brother, you are now my ancestor.
Until our spirits are reunited…
In one form or another,
Brother, I pray my words have done you justice. I pray my writing is sufficient to commemorate your life.